1. Start a Sex Journal
Growing up, you may have received some negative messages about sex along the way. Now is the time to move beyond those old beliefs and embrace the fact that you are a grown woman who doesn’t have to carry the beliefs of those who raised you.
Start by writing down the negative messages you received growing up or the messages you picked up from your parents’ relationships. When you are ready to let them go, you can cross them out, rip out the page—anything that will symbolize letting go to you.
Then, take a moment to document the situations where these moments came up in your life. This way, you’ll become more conscious of when old messages surface.
When those messages do pop in your head, it’s important to replace them with positive thoughts. So go ahead and create a new sexual mantra! Here are a few to get you started:
- This is good.
- I am entitled to sexual pleasure.
- I am a sensual, sexual woman.
- I’m allowed to feel this.
- This is good for my body.
- This is good for my soul.
- This is good for my relationship.
- I am entitled to a healthy, happy sex life.
- I deserve pleasure, and receiving pleasure is a loving act.
- I am sexy and beautiful.
- A good sex life is good for me and good for my body.
- Sex is about expressing my love and connection to the person I love.
- Loving myself and touching myself is good and healthy for me.
- I embrace my body and my sexuality.
- Experiencing pleasure is an important part of my quality of life.
- By loving myself I am better able to love my partner.
- Receiving pleasure is as important as giving pleasure.
- Loving my sexuality is loving myself,
- Sex is the most sacred gift I can share with myself and someone I love.
- I am a sensual, loving woman who can experience deep pleasure.
- I open myself to pleasure.
- I am safe and in control. It’s OK to let go.
2. Become More Comfortable with Your Sexuality
Go ahead and say it, “I am a vixen!” Whether it’s taking a pole dancing class or just dancing at home by yourself, find activities that make you feel sexy and playful.
3. Try Something New
Whether it’s a new position or a sex toy, try mixing things up a bit. Sex toys can also help you achieve orgasm if you’re having trouble. Not sure which product is right for you? Take the quiz!
ep 4 to Your Best Sex Life
Think your lack of sex drive is all in your head? Sometimes, a sagging sex life could be a sign of something more serious. Dr. Berman explains why your medicine cabinet could be dragging down your sex drive.
There could be perfectly natural reasons for a sudden change in sexual function—how you feel about your relationship, body or emotions. Or it could be related to anxiety or depression.
However, it could be something more serious that demands medical attention. “Don’t rule out the physical when you’re looking at your whole sexual equation,” Dr. Berman says.
Your doctor should consider several clinical causes for your reduced sex drive.
If it is caused by a hormonal imbalance, one possible solution is medication including minimally absorbed topical estrogen.
Another common cause is side effects from medication. Dr. Berman says some medications that could effect sexual function include: hormonal contraceptives, antihistamines that cause dryness, antidepressants, antihypertensives like beta blockers or diuretics and anti-cancer drugs.
“So you really want to talk to your doctor if you’re having symptoms of dryness, difficulty responding, problems with genital sensation [or] difficulty reaching orgasms,” Dr. Berman says.
With work, kids, bills and other daily stressors, it’s easy to see how sex can slip off your relationship radar. Reignite your passion with three simple steps. Dr. Berman explains why date night could be the highlight of your week.
1. Commit to Sex at Least Once a Week
While putting sex on your weekly to-do list might seem like one of the least romantic things ever, Dr. Berman says it could be the key to reviving your intimacy. “It feels unromantic at first [to schedule sex] because we have the misconception that sex is supposed to happen spontaneously, which it does in the beginning of the relationship when your dopamine centers of the brain are firing and everything’s new and you can’t get enough of each other,” Dr. Berman says. “But that doesn’t work in a long-term relationship. If you wait for it to happen spontaneously, you’re going to be waiting forever.”
2. Create a Bedroom Retreat
Bedrooms are for two things only—sex and sleep. “So cover the TV if you’re not willing to take it out of the room. … Put a nice tapestry or something over it. Ideally, TV out of the room, computer out of the room, pictures of Grandma out of the room. Make it into a sensual, sexual haven.”
3. Put It in Writing!